I’m not OK

Where do I start? I don’t know who I am right now.

For the first time in ages, I feel like my life is going backwards and once again I have to jump barriers or take a de-tour to find my strength.

These feelings have escalated these last few weeks, with a worry that my mind was darkening and I’ve been scared.

Being the fighter that I am, I’ve felt my energy levels deplete, my love for blogging decline and I haven’t shared it. This is why I wanted to write today’s post.

When I’m at my worst, I find sharing my battles therapeutic. OK. It’s hard to share, but at times I feel people forget we’re all human and even if you’re doing great things, there’s also another story not being written.

Last week saw the official launch of @Bloggers_Unity and I was overwhelmed; overwhelmed by the level of support.

It’s one thing you can take for granted at times, but the morning of the launch my relationship ended. No-one knew about it until after, as I held my feelings in. I held them in to ensure the chat started in style, and the messages I received after got to me.

I’m a vulnerable guy and not many people know this, and this is why I’ve been distant. I’m fighting to get myself back right now and yesterday’s final meet-up with the ex killed me, but I showed my strength; whatever was left.

Staying in London post meet-up, I wanted to stay to start my break-up recovery in the place I now call home. I sat in McDonalds with tears appearing, and friends messaging me to check if I’m ok, and in all honesty, I’m not.

A part of me has now gone and I have to fill the hole with something new. What that is, I don’t currently know, but I will find out.

I’m really delicate right now, so I might be offline for small periods, but I know you all understand.

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8 thoughts on “I’m not OK

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling bad, but I’m pleased you’ve had so much support from the community – it’s been one of the biggest and life-changing factors of blogging for me… I hope things are better soon!

    Like

  2. You need time to grieve. Take care of you. You are the most important thing right now. You aren’t supposed to know what will fill the hole, it’s amazing to me that you know it will be filled. You will be ok. Really, you will be.

    Like

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