Where do I start? I don’t know who I am right now.
For the first time in ages, I feel like my life is going backwards and once again I have to jump barriers or take a de-tour to find my strength.
These feelings have escalated these last few weeks, with a worry that my mind was darkening and I’ve been scared.
Being the fighter that I am, I’ve felt my energy levels deplete, my love for blogging decline and I haven’t shared it. This is why I wanted to write today’s post.
When I’m at my worst, I find sharing my battles therapeutic. OK. It’s hard to share, but at times I feel people forget we’re all human and even if you’re doing great things, there’s also another story not being written.
Last week saw the official launch of @Bloggers_Unity and I was overwhelmed; overwhelmed by the level of support.
It’s one thing you can take for granted at times, but the morning of the launch my relationship ended. No-one knew about it until after, as I held my feelings in. I held them in to ensure the chat started in style, and the messages I received after got to me.
I’m a vulnerable guy and not many people know this, and this is why I’ve been distant. I’m fighting to get myself back right now and yesterday’s final meet-up with the ex killed me, but I showed my strength; whatever was left.
Staying in London post meet-up, I wanted to stay to start my break-up recovery in the place I now call home. I sat in McDonalds with tears appearing, and friends messaging me to check if I’m ok, and in all honesty, I’m not.
A part of me has now gone and I have to fill the hole with something new. What that is, I don’t currently know, but I will find out.
I’m really delicate right now, so I might be offline for small periods, but I know you all understand.