No one likes to be asked why they are here. It is a very open question and no answer is going to be the perfect one. This is why I try to avoid questions relating to why I am here as anamywhowrites.wordpress.com or @AmyWhoWrites over on twitter. Let’s start with how I got here.
I had my first blog when I was 13
I had my first blog when I was 13 or so. I did blog tags and didn’t promote my blog in any way because I didn’t actually want it to be found. I forgot about it for a while and deleted it before trying again. I created another one and shared it with a friend or two. It took a diary-like format going through my days in a very uninteresting way. However, I inspired a few friends to create blogs and it was great to see!
My havehopeamy name was blighted
Life got in the way a little and I forgot about wordpress and writing for a while. In 2013 I created my first true blog. I spent a lot of time on it. I looked back at it just there, actually, and remembered why I haven’t deleted this one despite it being old. It has all sorts of posts that I would never even dream of publishing now! Not because they are rubbish but because I don’t have the time. On my old blog, havehopeamy.wordpress.com you will find book reviews and wish lists. I don’t even have time to pick up a book nowadays never mind sit and review one! You will find creative pieces I have written in response to prompts I found online. These posts comfort me greatly. Since I was little I have always done creative writing and being an author is a dream I will forever hold on to. These posts remind me of that and always feed my appetite to write. There’s also posts about trips I forget I went on and places I forget I ever saw. I was still in high school when I was writing for this blog and so promotion was, again, not something I did. I was terrified of people finding my blog in case they didn’t like what was on it. In case what I had written reflected on me as a negative light. Despite this, I have 47 followers on it which I was very impressed with at the time. (Heck, I’m still impressed!) I would have happily continued with this blog but in 2014 I had to move into my grandparents house. I made the mistake of leaving my old laptop at my Dad’s house and everything related to havehopeamy – my twitter, my blog, everything was seen by my Dad. Not only this, but my Dad tweeted some horrible things pretending to be me. Not his finest or most mature point. The few blog friends that I had made were lost as they sent me condolences to these nasty tweets and my Dad replied telling them to go away. A week later after unpacking in my new home and finally getting the internet to work I stared in horror as my havehopeamy name was blighted.
I gained 800 views in my first attempt back on the blogging scene
I left school four months later and no longer had to worry (as much) about my online persona getting confused with my real one. I decided to have another go at the whole blog thing. I wanted a name that would link to my old one and so I became hadh0peamy. It made sense to me. It was past tense. Little did I know that hadh0peamy would make genuine connections with bloggers all over the world. I started doing Guest Posts on my mental health and wrote for Stigma Fighters. Bloggers that had no idea I used to be havehopeamy and was riddled with concern over my wellbeing. I couldn’t think of a new name and so I stuck to being hadh0peamy on all social media platforms. I reassured concerned writers over and over again that I was fine and did in fact still have hope despite what the name suggests. In January 2016, after a little blogging break, I gained 800 views. This is still the highest amount of views I have ever had in a month. I had only put up a couple posts and participated in beloved twitter chats. I got in touch with companies about reviewing products and was excited to go somewhere as a blogger.
Things fell apart a little
Then my life exploded.
My life literally turned over and over until nothing that I had was the same. I am still in the process of picking up the pieces a year and a half later. I became single and was faced with living alone with anxiety. I had to face unemployment and changing careers. I travelled alone for the first time and the second and third time. My anxiety hit new extremes and I had to control it alone as an independent 19 year old. But I did it. I picked up the broken pieces of bookshelf my ex had smashed on his way out. I mended holes in the walls and painted over them. I lived on bread and jam while scraping money together to pay rent while finishing off my administration SVQ qualification that has, so far, gotten me nowhere. I walked 8 miles to a cleaning job and back that got me £5 an hour but, hey, at least it was something. At least I could afford electric to have a shower. I decided that I needed to get back in touch with the things that make me who I am. The hobbies I adore and the passions that are close to my heart. I decided I wanted to come back onto the blogging scene with a vengeance. There was only one problem. My name! I didn’t want to come back as hadh0peamy and all the negative connotations that hang onto it.
I am here to write
I asked myself what I am here to do in the wonderful world of blogging. I am here to share my experiences of mental health issues. I want my opinion to be voiced. I want to support other people who have a passion for writing and want their voice heard. I want to write and create until my heart’s content. The answer was simple. I was here to write. I am here to write. I am here to write whatever the fuck I want. I am Amy and I write. There you have it. Simple at that. I am AmyWhoWrites.
Disclaimer: All content in today’s post was written by Amy, including the picture is owned by her, not myself.